In a recent article, an author recommends several strategies for a happy marriage. While wives may have to embrace other domestic and economical duties. The author has made suggestions that can encompass wife leadership skills that circumvent the original design for a happy marriage.
The author believes that remaining a virtuous woman includes:
- Have a vision: Clarity of vision is essential in sustaining the love and passion of your marriage.
- Use your creativity: The skills you employ in influencing people are very helpful with your partner.
- Be determined: For any level of business to be sustained, energy must be exerted or the business will fail.
The marriage could lead to divorce because the definition of a virtuous woman is not clarified. A virtuous woman is a good, supportive, trusting wife is a blessing to a man. A woman who partners with her husband, who is reliable and looks out for his interests, gives a man a security that is greatly lacking in the world. She is worth more than a substantial paycheck. To bring in the metaphor, wisdom provides the same benefits—it is worth more than money, you can always trust it to make the right decision, and it provides blessings for those who have it.
She is not afraid of work. She gets up in the morning and gets things done. In the time of Solomon, this involved making fabric and sewing clothes, but verse 27 certainly applies directly to us today—taking care of our responsibilities is a characteristic of wisdom. Another characteristic of her wisdom is the grace to help others. The virtuous wife ensures that those under her care receive what they need—food, clothing, protection. And she is able to serve others out of the excess of her work and the leaning of her heart. She has so internalized her role as a provider that it extends past her immediate responsibilities and into the community.
She’s savvy. She’s educated about the world and the world of business. She knows how to use her skills to provide for her family, and she’s not afraid to go interact with that world, whether it be as a merchant or a buyer. She knows how to use her strengths to her best advantage, and she fully realizes how valuable her efforts are.
The virtuous woman not only knows her worth, she knows her responsibilities to herself. She would not be able to provide for others if she neglected her needs—both physical and spiritual. She makes sure her appearance reflects her respected position as an influence in her community. Her greatest strength is her wisdom—her accurate judgment about the world and her influence in it. And she is quick to share the wisdom she has gained to encourage others to reach their potential.
She knows that, as a partner in her marriage, she has a tremendous influence on her husband’s ministry. She can integrate her life—both domestic and professional—with her ministry in such a way that her husband has the freedom to serve. In fact, her reputation is so established, that it bleeds off onto him.
The virtuous wife is a fierce provider and protector for those she cares about. She is wise to the ways of the world, but lives by the wisdom of God. As in the rest of the Proverbs, these specific examples provide a metaphor for the larger truth. How any individual woman exemplifies these characteristics will depend on her situation, gifts, and abilities. The key is in verse 30, just as it is in the beginning of Proverbs, in 1:7: But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
A happy marriage can only exist if it replicates the original design for marriage. According to the original design for marriage, the virtuous woman is a team player. Our first example of a marriage is between Adam and Eve. God gave Adam certain responsibilities, which required certain leadership principles. Genesis 2:7, records that …”the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul”. God placed the man He created in the Garden of Eden. Then God created a habitable environment for him, which included trees that were pleasant to the sight and good for food. God placed the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the Garden of Eden too. Eden also had a river that divided into four parts. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden “… to dress it and to keep it” (Genesis 2:15).
Dressing and keeping the Garden of Eden was Adams original purpose. The word ‘dress’ in the Hebrew is ‘abad, which means to work as a servant. The word ‘keep’ in the Hebrew is shamar, which means to protect. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to work as a servant in the garden and to protect the garden. Protecting the garden required that Adam become the steward of the garden. God granted Adam stewardship over the Garden of Eden. Stewardship requires a relationship between the master and the one that the master entrusts with the resources. In this case, God is the master and He entrusted the Garden of Eden to Adam.
God provided Adam with the path that he was to follow (Genesis 2:16 – 17). God instructed Adam on what he could and could not do. At that point and time, Adam maintained his relationship with God by obeying his commands.
God decided to provide Adam with a helper. Genesis 2:18 records …”The Lord God said , It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet”. That word ‘meet’ in the Hebrew is ‘ezer. Ezer means to help. Eve’s primary responsibility was to help Adam who was to work as a servant and to protect the Garden of Eden. The original purpose for the union between Adam and Eve was to work together as a team to serve and protect the Garden of Eden. Hence, the original purpose for the marriage between a man and a woman is to serve and protect the resources that God gives to the husband and wife through teamwork.
The wife is the ultimate team player which is one of the primary components for a happy marriage. The characteristics of a good team player include:
- A team player is reliable
- They get their work done.
- They work hard and meet commitments.
- They do what they say they are going to do
- They are consistent and can be counted on all the time
- A team player communicates constructively
- They speak up and express their thoughts and ideas clearly, directly and honestly.
- They have respect for others and for the work of the team.
- They communicate in a positive, confident, and respectful manner
3. A team player listens actively
- Good listeners are essential for teams
- They can absorb, understand, and consider ideas and points of view from other people without arguing every point.
- They can receive criticism without reacting defensively.
- They listen first and speak second so that meaningful dialogue results
- A team player functions as an active participant
- Good team players are active participants.
- They come prepared to listen and speak up in discussions.
- They are fully engaged in the work of the team and do not sit quietly on the sidelines.
- They take initiative to help make things happen. They volunteer for assignments and ask: “What contribution can I make to help the team achieve success?”
- A team player shares openly and willingly
- Good team players share information, knowledge, and experience. They keep other team members informed
- A team player cooperates and pitches in to help
- Cooperation is the act of working with others and acting together to accomplish a job. A good team player works this way by second nature.
- They respond to requests for assistance and take the initiative to offer help
- A team player exhibits flexibility
- Good team players roll with the punches; they adapt to ever-changing situations. They don’t complain or get stressed out because of something new or different.
- They can consider different points of views and compromise when needed.
- Strong team players are firm in their thoughts yet open to what others have to offer
- A team player shows commitment to the team
- Strong team players care about their work, the team, and the team’s work. They want to give a good effort, and they want other team members to do the same
- A team player works well as a problem-solver
- Good team players are willing to deal with all kinds of problems in a solutions-oriented manner.
- They don’t look for others to fault, as the blamers do. And they don’t put off dealing with issues, the way avoiders do
- A team player treats others in a respectful and supportive manner
- They are consistently courteous and considerate.
- They show understanding and the appropriate support of other team members to help get the job done.
- They have a sense of humor and know how to have fun (and all teams can use a bit of both).
- They deal with other people in a professional manner.
A virtuous woman who desires a happy marriage will embrace and exhibit the characteristics of a good team player.
Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com
Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles
“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.
Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell
Samaritan Baptist Church
Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.
Dr. James E. Woods, II
El Shaddia Christian Assembly